I write MFM ménage with consensual BDSM and an HEA in every book. In each of my Racy Nights books, the heroine (who is the submissive) is permanently collared by her two Doms. I choose something that the Doms picked out together, and that reflects the personality of the heroine. To me, this affords not only a way to show that the heroes are caring for and cherishing the heroine, but it’s a way to tie in themes throughout the story.
This is the collar that Zach Kincaid and Harrison Kelly picked out for Gina Santori in Sharing Their Racy Fantasies, Racy Nights 7. It reflects her personality, as she’s quite the rose with the thorns showing.
In real life, collars vary from a tattoo to a traditional piece of leather or jewelry, and are as varied as the Dominant and submissive in the relationship. As with most aspects of BDSM, there is no right or true way to collar a sub. Some subs wear padlocked collars that only their Dominant can remove, and others wear a simple piece of jewelry that no one in their everyday life would question. The choices are unlimited and should reflect what is right for a sub and their Dominant.
Most traditional collars are made of leather or metal and a ring or rings embedded in them. Do a search on any fetish gear site and you’ll find a wide variety of them. Some are for show, and their construction tends to be more ornate, but depending on their construction, they can also be used in bondage.
A collar is a symbol of intent and commitment in the BDSM community, much as engagement and wedding rings are symbols for the same in the general population. It’s an honor for a sub to accept the collar, and it’s an honor for the Dom to give it. The collar is generally considered the property of the Dominant and should be returned to him/her if removed for any reason.
Within the BDSM community, a collared submissive is considered untouchable unless the Dominant gives permission to do so. The art of placing the collar is as personal as the collar choices. It can take place in anything from a private ceremony to a full-blown wedding-type shindig. The ceremony should reflect the bond that the collar represents. Although not a legal bond, the BDSM community takes collaring seriously.
Distinctions are often made between Collars of Consideration, Training Collars, and Permanent Collars.
The Collar of Consideration is traditionally a shade of blue, and is given at the beginning of a potential relationship. By offering this collar to the sub, the Dominant is expressing an interest in a relationship beyond a casual one, or beyond the relationship between a Top and a bottom. But this collar is still offered seriously and with intent, and its acceptance should be with the same emotion. The sub is considered off limits to other Dominants during this period of consideration.
The Training Collar may be presented after a sub and Dominant have engaged in extensive conversations, explored the beginning limits of the sub, engaged in vanilla aspects of the relationship, and explored characteristics, traits, desires and interests to the point where they consider themselves a good enough match to deepen the relationship. Traditional training collars are made of leather, and traditional colors for them are red or black. They can also be made of chain, but again, this collar, as well as any collar, can be as personal as the Dominant and sub wish it to be.
At this stage, the Dominant and submissive usually move into more severe and strict areas of training or discipline. They are also bonding to each other with the intention of moving into a permanent relationship. The acceptance of a training collar indicates a deeper relationship, with serious feelings, emotions, commitments and responsibilities. Again, the ceremony to present this may be private or public.
The Formal, or Slave Collar, represents the final stage of commitment. Its intent is to formalize the bond between Dominant and submissive, and it represents a deep emotional attachment, devotion, mutual respect and consideration between them. Many times, this collar is given with a proposal of marriage. Even without that, its weight in the BDSM community is equal to a wedding ring. A traditional formal or slave collar is black leather or metal, adorned with brass or silver objects or designs. However, this is the collar that is most often personalized in a significant way.
There is also a Protection Collar. This particular collar is worn by new submissive at various events to show that he or she is under the protection of a Dominant. All approaches to the submissive wearing this collar should be made through the Dominant whose protection he/she is under. This is a temporary collar that it is normally returned after the event has ended.
I loved researching collars, and I hope this article was interesting and informative.