Thursday, May 31, 2012

Acklinta's Design Flaw by Robert W. Birch


I’m a retired psychologist who had specialized in marital and sex therapy for over 30 years. I entered the writing of erotic romance novels via the backdoor, no anatomical pun intended. While still in practice I published a number of non-fiction books, including an illustrated manual on cunnilingus, a book on dealing with premature ejaculation, one on sex and the aging male, and one on coping with sexual pain. Toward the end of my professional years I published five collections of bawdy limericks and as I entered my years of retirement, my writing shifted to erotic poetry. I continue to consider myself a poet and to add collections of poetry to my list of publications.

My first novel stretched out to over 400 pages and would fall into the erotica category. It was a murder mystery with a lot of kinky sexual encounters thrown in. There was an abundance of sex, but little romance. One reviewer wondered if I had relied on my case files to come up with the sexual appetites of my characters. My subsequent novels continued to have solid plots, but did bring love and romance into the hot sexual relationships. Of my eight full length novels, four fall into the mystery genre, one of these involving a very sexy ghost. Three of my novels are science fiction. One of my books is unique, as it’s the sensual love story of a couple in their seventies.

I’ve also published a four-book series featuring the love and adventures of Acklinta, a very sexual woman from a far off planet, and her earthling lover. A number of alien critters become involved along the way, and it was fun coming up with descriptions of their anatomy and sexual behaviors. One reviewer had a bit of trouble, however, with the blue tongue that slid out of Acklinta genitals when she became aroused. Why would one think an alien female would resemble a female earthling down there?

Some authors begin with an outline, or at least some conclusion in mind. I begin with a genre in mind, but no preconception of how the story will evolve and end. My initial focus is on the introduction of my characters and I do introduce sexual activity fairly early. My language is explicit and my descriptions quite graphic. Twists and turns occur to me as I write – I’ve often said I allow the characters to tell me where the story should go. That’s not always a quick process.


Allow me to introduce you to Acklinta, an alien female who was reconfigured on her planet to look like a beautiful earthling, but with some interesting design features and flaws. For example, her soft breasts house sonar devices, she smells through her navel and pheromones are released from her nostrils. A major flaw in her initial design was in the fabrication and location of her genitals.

This short novel recounts the sexual and romantic adventures of Fred, a horny human male, and Acklinta, the hornier alien from outer space. She has come to Earth to look for new products for her family’s intergalactic import/export business. She describes some of their top-selling items and the unusual characters who buy them. She also describes the sexual organs and the activities of a variety of extraterrestrials.

In the course of the story, another Forsuntian female is captured by a creature that will drain her fluids as a topping for the lime sherbet it has grown to crave. No humans or aliens get injured during the humorous rescue. The book contains detailed, explicit sexual scenes written in language spiced with exotic terms used on other planets.


[In the first chapter Fred meets Acklinta on a nude beach in California.]

The young woman on the beach had advanced within ten feet of Fred when he sensed her presence and looked up.  Their eyes met.  The connection felt somehow electric.  He was stunned by her long blonde hair and her incredible physical beauty.  His gaze dropped to her breasts.  Fantastic! His attention shifted to the stunning eyes of this beautiful stranger.
She did not look away.  Fred’s gaze dropped again to her breasts.  It seemed that her nipples had enlarged since his first inspection.  As once more he focused on her eyes, she smiled.
“Good morning.”  Her soft voice was only barely audible above the sound of the waves.
Fred managed to reply.  “Ahh – good – good morning.”  Her lips were perfect.  Everything was perfect.
“I saw you walking and wanted to meet you.”  Her eyes seemed to dance with excitement.  “I noticed that fuzz on your lip.”
“My mustache?”
“Yes, and your broad shoulders.”
This was certainly not love at first sight, but it was most definitely instant lust.  Adrenaline rushed to mix with a healthy dose of Fred’s testosterone.  That potent combination surged through his body.  Whatever chemistry operated, this woman’s body, from her blonde head down over her slim tummy and down her long legs to her red toenails, captured his full attention.  He grew mesmerized.
“Your eyes…”  The words escaped through her full lips.  “You have such sexy eyes.”
Fred’s gaze again dropped briefly to her full, round breasts, and then returned to find the woman’s eyes still focused on his.  Speechless, he stared.
“I was hoping to meet a man like you.”
“I hadn’t seen you coming.  You startled me.”
“I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Not scared, just surprised – pleasantly surprised.”  He smiled.
“Then can we be friends?”
“That was fast.”  His heart pounded in his chest.
“You’re drumming.”
The comment confused Fred.  “What?”
She ignored his question.  “My visit to this beach will be fairly brief, so there’s not much time.”  She reached back with both hands as though to brush sand from her tight buns.  This called attention to her firm breasts and perky nipples.  Their projection did not go unnoticed.
“You’re on vacation?”
The woman again ignored his question.  “Let’s walk.  I overheat if I stand too long in the sun.”  She began walking.  Fred caught up with her.  They began talking about the beach, about the weather, about the things couples usually talk about on their first meeting.
The two walked and talked for almost an hour before Fred asked the woman her name.
“Acklinta,” she replied.
“Ack…”  Fred attempted to repeat the sound.
“Ack-lin-ta – Acklinta.”
Fred tried again.  “Acklinda.”
“No, Ack-lin-ta – ta.  Acklinta.”
“Acklinta.  That’s an interesting name.  It’s very unusual – sounds kind of foreign, but you don’t speak with an accent.  Where are you from?”
“A long way off: a place you’ve probably never heard of.”  Her hands swept over her firm young breasts.  Fred was so distracted he forgot his question.






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